Released Deid Bastards - the movie (well, video)

I'm having such a ball writing about the zombie hordes descending on Glasgow and how it efects a ragtag of survivors.

There's Glasgow couple Scott and Emma who might be expecting a baby. Well, it's hardly likely to be a puppy.

Would you like to be up the duff with the undead on the run?

Would be suicide bomber Doyle, who picks the 'wrang day for it.'
Geek Kenny who owns the last video store in Glasgow and perhaps the world.

Mustafa, a patriotic Scottish Asian muscle man who has a tendancy to act first and think later.
The characters are so real to me that I can see what they look like in my head. I even have an all Scottish cast lined up for the roles.

I thought you might like a peak at the video my clever partner, John made for me.

So far, I've sent the book to three publishers and one agent. Wish me luck, because the Deid Bastards deserve to be coming to a town near you.

I'm now off to buy the domain and make the t-hirts.

Respect the Genre

This picture will not make you transform into a werewolf

One of my favourite TV shows, Being Human about a werewolf, vampire and ghost living together has left me feeling disappointed this series.

Why? Because they haven't respected the genre.

Episode one of the new series, a werewolf uses a picture of a moon and not a full moon to transform. Werewolves need the real thing to transform.

Last episode of the season, a vampire gets into a house without being invited. Sure he burns but he still gets into the house thus breaking another genre rule. You need to invite a vampire in.

Despite the good writing and acting, these episodes left me deflated. Why? Because as a fan of the genre I hate it when they mess with them.  When they break the rules.

Sure they can be innovative – think True Blood that’s turned the vampire genre on its head. Be thought provoking. Do things that have never been done before. But never blatantly break the rules.

Not just in TV writing, but in novel writing too. Because if you don’t like it when writers of TV shows break the rules, chances are readers of your work won’t like it if you do the same.

What does a writer do all day?

As a full time writer you would think I'd have plenty of time to, well write. If only that were the case. Here's how I spent yesterday -

Got up and had some breakfast. Too busy booting up my laptop and doing 'dog tummy' so toast burned and turned to charcoal. Had to make more.

He wants dog tummy (his tummy rubbed)

Had to go round my blogs and social networks changing publication date for my book Living Cruelty Free. Publisher thought it was on sale now from Amazon but it won't be on sale until April 5th. 
Publisher tells me it will now be on sale on March 29th. Go round social networks and blogs changing it, again. Have a minute to myself to scream. Boyfriend tells me to stop swearing. I tell him to f off.

Spend ten minutes agonising over why agent from agency who say they always send an acknowledgement for all submissions hasn't sent me one three days after I sent submission package.
Spent ten minutes agonising over publisher I signed up with a year ago not being in touch for months despite me sending change of address and follow up to as unpublished book.

Tell nuisance caller to stop phoning me. It's a cold sales call and they've been phoning every day, sometimes several times a day. Then worry I was mistaken and it was a publisher and I've blown it.
Have a look to see if other publisher is still giving 2 of my books away free, which means I get no royalties. They didn't even tell me they were doing this. Yep, they still are.

Post copies of Living Cruelty Free to friends who've kindly agreed to review it.

Too busy working to see to dinner and it's ruined. Boyfriend and I have words. One word is said more than others. It begins with f.

Updated my author page on Goodreads and posted a review of new James Thompson book. To write well, you need to read well.

More dog tummy - it helps with the stress.

Reply to comments on various blogs - I have 4.

Post things that dogs should never eat on much neglected Caring for your dog blog. Have to break off to chase my rescue dog Benjy around the room with his bone.

Have a lengthy discussion with my brother about the origins of zombies. All research for my zombie book, Deid Bastards. We talk about stuff like this often. We are weird.

Add Amazon book carousel to my website and blogs. Takes me ages to realise I need to copy code into html of website.

Make video for Amazon as instructed by publisher. Well, boyfriend does as I tweet.

Put Facebook badges for my pages on all my blogs.

Follow back and DM people on Twitter. 

Change header on cruelty free blog to reflect new publication date. Also change links.

Gather financial data for my accounts. Fret over how to pay bills.

It's 4am and I haven't written so much as a sentence of my book all day. Oh well, at least I wrote this blog post.

My Living Cruelty Free book will be on sale on March 29th, 2012

I know it's not crime or zombie related or indeed fiction related, but if you can't plug your own book on your own blog, where can you? 

I am so excited that Living Cruelty Free will finally go on sale on March 29th, 2012. The culmination of months of painstaking work, I really do hope it can make a difference.

I genuinely wish this book had been around when I became vegetarian 25 years ago because it's a one stop shop for compassionate living. Most importantly, it stresses that we all need to be kinder not just to animals but our own human beings.

You can buy the book on Amazon.com

Amazon.co.uk

Amazon.ca



Price: UK £9.99 | USA $14.95 | CAN $16.95

For more details of where to buy, click here.

I'd like to thank the BUAV for letting me use their world famous leaping bunny logo in the book, my friends on Facebook and Twitter for helping me to decide what went in the book and my long suffering partner in life and compassionate living, John.

Rejected Submissions - Some things to consider

The other day,  I received a nice thanks but no thanks from Jo Fletcher Books for my zombie novel. In the email it said that just because it wasn't for them didn't mean other publishers would feel the same way.

Your dog may share your sadness when you get a rejection.

At first I got upset, felt worthless, told myself nothing good would happen ever again.  Then I stopped mooching and thought 'hey, there's a blog post in this.'

 That brings me to my first point -

1. A publisher or agent saying 'no' is like someone expressing their opinion. Think of it that way and it doesn't seem so bad.

2. Before you send your manuscript have at least 6 other publishers/agents you can send it to. I did and I'm now working on a new submission package. Keep on updating that list.

3. Publishers & agents get deluged with submissions. There's a chance yours didn't get read. They simply don't have the time to read everybody's work.

4. Many fine books that have become classics were turned down by publishers time and time again, but their authors never gave up. Why should you?

5. Did you send it to the right person? Send a children's book to someone specialising in chick lit and off course you'll get a great big NO.

6. They might have a similar book planned/or on their books. Sometimes a rejection can be down to bad timing.

Note – Even if you do everything right you can still get a big fat NO.

It's a hard knock (writing) life

Since the decision was made for me that I was going to be a writer (does anyone actually choose to have a life full of disappointment), I have learnt quite a few things that have surprised me -

Go on punch yourself in the face. That's what it feels like to be a writer.

1. Publishers can give unlimited numbers of your books away free, without telling you. See Could your publisher give your book away free if you want to find out what I'm babbling about.

2. When your writing's going well you can feel it. You're desperate to write; to get back to your characters because they're real in your head. But, when your writing's going badly you can barely put an address on a freaking envelope.

3. Royalty statements are so confusing Einstein couldn't figure them out. What formula do they use? The pull it out your butt formula.

4. It's way too easy to live on junk food, fizzy drinks and prescription drugs when you're a writer. Grapes and herbal teas don't give you that sugar hit you need. Drinking way too much booze and puffing away like we're still in the steam age are problems too. And let's not start on the depression and the crumbling sense of self-worth tied into whether some stranger says nay or yay to the novel/article/poem you've been lovingly crafting by candlelight because the power's off again or maybe you just forgot to pay the bill. Again.

5. Sometimes you will actually wonder if your publisher gives two figs about your book. You may sign a contract and then discover communicating with them is like pulling out your own teeth with a pair of pliers. Emails will go unanswered or ignored. Deadlines they came up with will pass without so much as a tweet from them. You'll feel like the mouldy salad at the back of the fridge: forgotten and minging and waiting to be binned.

6. If you were a plumber nobody expects you to work for free, yet when it comes to paying writers people can be real tight wads. I've lost count of the number of editors who've told me how much they've loved my article - often ones I've pulled out of the hat at the last minute cos their pal ditzy dolittle who they asked to write it in the first place couldn't do it because she's having her belly button defluffed/her brain waxed - only for me to have to battle for the next 6 months to get paid.

Of course these negatives can be offset by the joy of seeing the book/article/poem you wrote published, but boy, have you earned it.

Getting Published: The Hard Truth

At times when you're trying to get published it can feel like you're standing outside a shop where the closed sign has gone up and then they pull down the shutters when they see you coming.

It's tough going but there are some things you can do to give yourself a fighting chance -

Read as much as you can and in as many genres as you can. Whenever I'm stuck with a bit in my novel, reading inspires me.

Write as much as you can and accept that you may have to write a lot of novels or non-fiction books before you get published. This may be because your first work is rubbish/not what they're publishing right now/needed more work that you realised. I wrote 4 full sized novels before I had my novella accepted by Pulp Press. I also started many more.

Accept you will have some near misses. The man who discovered JK Rowling was interested in my non-fiction book but it came to nothing. The publisher of my first ever published book, a humour title wanted my next two books, but then they decided to cut back on their publishing schedule and they couldn't do the 2 books.

Don't be snooty about any other genre. This is important because you might be missing out on the genre your writing might be most suited for.

Get to know other writers so you can share your tales of woe and success. Yes, I did say success. My favourite writers' forum is Talkback. Great people who are so supportive and know what it's like to be a writer.

Keep on submitting to publishers and agents and ALWAYS follow their guidelines. If you don't you might as well throw your submission in the bin. For instance, most agents & publishers don't want to see your full manuscript they may want to see 10,000 words or their first 3 chapters and a synopsis.

Get feedback on your work wherever you can. It's so difficult to see your work as others see it. If you can't get feedback edit your work by printing it out or viewing it on an ebook reader. It helps you to get your editor's hat on.

P.S. After writing this, I got the first rejection for my zombie book. Off to cry into a bucket then I’ll give myself a kick up the backside and get on with it. Writers who get published get published because they NEVER give up.