Tales and thoughts from the coal face of writing and life from the agoraphobic and crime obsessed author of Vile City (Detective in a Coma book 1) Jennifer Lee Thomson. She also writes as Jenny Thomson.
Thursday, 23 April 2015
This week I needed Liam Neeson
I bet he'd find the phone
"What kind of week have I had?"
The kind that makes you shove in your earphones and play
Karma Police so loud, you’re not just listening to it: it’s in your head.
The kind where you set up a page to talk about your bullying
book and folk come onto it and wait for it, start bullying one another. Yeah,
really. Couldn’t believe it either.
The kind where you think your downstairs neighbour has
opened a brewery because it sounds like he’s been tossing beer barrels about
his floor for the past few days.
The kind of week where you despair of human nature because
your OH dropped his mobile phone and someone picked it up and pocketed it. We
don’t have much but what we do have we’ve worked damned hard for.
Note to the ass wipe who kept it - what you’re meant to do
when you find someone’s phone, is ring up one of the numbers and find out who
belongs to and return it. At least if you want to belong to the human race. You
clearly don’t. Karma police are gonna get you, mate.
Just realised that instead of venting my spleen here, I
should have left a Liam Neeson Taken-style message on the phone –
‘I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If
you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do
have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very
long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my
daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not
pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will
Obviously, the ‘kill’ in this case means in my novel and not
Only two things have made my life bearable this week –
A wee dog who loves me unconditionally and always wants to
Happy as a sand dog (on second thoughts, he looks worried)
Football (that’s soccer to my pals in the good ol’ USA). Non-football
fans don’t get it, but there’s a reason this sport is called, the beautiful
Few things make you happier when things go right. You see a
cracker of a goal. Some brilliant play. Your team (in my case Dundee United)
lift that elusive trophy. And, here’s the best thing of all – you get to bawl
and shout and it gets your frustrations out. And nothing beats the times when everyone
in the crowd is cheering as one, and making something happen on the pitch. The atmosphere
is electric and it’s as if you’re riding along on a wave.
But more on that later. I’m now off to hone my CIA skills. ‘I
don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want…’