Does your publisher deserve you? Questions you should ask before you sign on the dotted line.

It sounds crazy doesn't it that you you work your backside off to get a publishing deal, but you might be offered a contract by a publisher and not take it.

But the truth is, not all publishers are good publishers. And the last thing you need or want is your precious manuscript that you've slaved over and put so much love and care into, to end up with a publisher that won't do you or your book justice.

Why is it important to get the right publisher?
Any publisher is better than no publisher. Right?

No.

It might cost you a deal with a better publisher because they'll look at the sales of previous books and go "Oh, they only sold 10 copies of their last book." They won't check to see how proactive your publisher was in selling books - even although promotion's a two-way street. They won't care that the price of the book (that'd you'd no say in) cost more than the new Harlan Coben.

So, how do you spot a good publisher from a bad one? Read on my writing friends -

1. How do they treat authors? Try a simple Internet check. You might get lucky, although authors are cautious about discussing publishers online, in case they come across as whiny or the publisher reads it and takes the hump, or other publishers read it and think, "They're trouble - avoid."

Also, visit/join writers' boards and see what they're saying about publishers. Many users use fictitious names so they're more likely to be honest.

2. What appearance do they present to the rest of the world?
At the bare minimum, every publisher should have a professional website, a blog, Twitter and Facebook account. If they can't present themselves well to the world, they won't be able to sell your book.

3. Do their books sell and how proactive are they in selling them? Try following one of their titles on Novel Rank (www.novelrank.com) for a few weeks. How are estimated sales?

4. Are their royalties and advances (if applicable) industry standard? One writer I know, was offered just 2.5% royalties on paperback sales. That's too low and no, they didn't offer an advance.

Remember, Amazon never pay the full price for a book. The trade price they pay might be as low as 30% of the cover price. If a book sells for 7 pounds or 7 dollars and the publisher gets £2.10 pounds or 2 dollar 10 cents for every book, the writer gets a measly 5 pence or 5 cents.

5. What kind of reviews do their books get? Ignore the "this zombie novel didn't have enough romance in it" (that's one of the reviews The Restless Dead got) comments and look for phrases like "badly edited" and "character died in one chapter and miraculously came alive in other."

6. Are their covers the kind that will sell books? Do they look professional or are they cheap and tacky looking? Covers sell books.

And, remember, there's always self-publishing so you can at least get your work out there:) 

Police on the lookout for ladies in pajamas - Unlikely stories come from unlikely stories

Recently, where I live, there was an incident where a marquee was damaged. Apparently a drunk man and two women in pajamas were spotted fleeing the scene and are wanted by police.

This is a true story.

For any writer, a news story like that is fertile ground for your imagination to run free.

Who were the three, and what were they doing running around late at night in their jammies?

What do you think? There are so many stories you could write, in so many different genres.

Erotica - they were looking for somewhere to have a naughty three-some in public?

Horror - they'd been chased by zombies and were looking for somewhere to hide?

Crime - One of their relatives had lost their mind and had started murdering their family as they slept?

Tragi-com - One of the group doesn't have long to live and it was a dream of his/her to sneak into a marquee at night and have a picnic.

These are just a few possibilities, but there are an infinite number of possibilities.

Here's an exercise for you. Look through the newspaper headlines. Don't read the whole story; just the headline and first two lines.

Now unleash your creativity and write your own story.

RIP Jack - You deserved better

Two weeks ago, my neighbour Jack died. I'm sorry to say that I didn't know Jack that well. He was what we call a curmudgeon. 

Permanently grumpy, always bickering with the neighbour above him who also happened to be one of his best friends, he always clapped our dog, but he made me cry the day we moved in.

My dad has bone cancer and two sticks to stop him falling over. My mum is so frail at times she can be blown over like a cigarette packet tossed about in the wind. When they drove over with our furniture, naturally they parked outside our new home in the disabled spot - they both have blue badges; they're entitled to park there. It's not a residential parking spot, although Jack treated it like it was.

He ranted and raved at my mum and dad, cursing his head off. I cried because I thought "Great, now I have the neighbour from hell, and I've just moved in."

Our last neighbour used to let their grand kids use the floor as a trampoline. Now this one was gonna be big trouble.

As things turned out, Jack was fine. After that day, we never had a cross word, although he had plenty of cross words with everyone else.

When he died it came as a bolt out the blue. He collapsed and  was taken away in an ambulance and died the next day in hospital.

The next day, two of his relatives arrived. What they did next was disgraceful. And, I've seen some pretty low things in my life.

They rummaged through his things at the speed of light. Taking anything of value. They dumped everything else of his in the communal bins. Personal stuff. Private stuff. They dumped his glasses and his bunnet in the bin. Our neighbour, one of his Jack's friends, found them when she went to put out her rubbish. Despite inviting his 2 relatives into her home, giving them coffee and sympathy, they went back home to Birmingham. They didn't tell her when the funeral was. One of his few friends probably wouldn't be there, but two of his money grabbing leech relatives would be. That's if they even bothered to have a funeral at all.

I half expected to see poor, expired Jack in the bin.

Hey, I'm not laughing as I write this because I'm too bloody sad.
One minute you're there, going about your daily business, the next you're a gonner and people have their greedy, fat fingers rifling all through your stuff. They don't give a shit about you or your memories or what matters to you. All they care about is taking anything of value.

I hope wherever Jack is, he never got to see all this. The callous disregard for his possessions and his life.

As for his heartless relatives, what goes around comes around. In years to come, it could be you who's dead, having some callous someone's fat, grubby fingers rifling through your stuff, before tossing out the glasses and hat you last wore in the trash like you and your life meant nothing for your friends and neighbour to find.