Write a winning title

Stressing over what to call that novel?  Worried that your title lacks the oomph needed to make it stand out?

Using the Lulu Titlescorer may not be the answer. 

My titles – Vile City (my work in progress) and How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks (scheduled for publication by Pulp Press in March 2012) were disappointingly low.  So, I tried some of the bestselling books of all time and they didn’t fair much better.

But, hey it’s a bit of fun.  Check it out here -

http://www.lulu.com/titlescorer/index.php

Would it really have happened to Lisa Dingle?

I’ve just finished watching Emmerdale and can’t believe how ridiculous the storyline is about Lisa Dingle being raped by creepy Derek in the factory where they were working after hours.

The reason I’m shaking my head is because a woman with Lisa Dingle’s strength of character, who is no stranger to dealing with recalcitrant males (husband Zak is probably more scared of her than he is of any man, and for good reason) would have battered his melt in*.

* smashed his face in/battered him/ handed him his teeth on a plate.  

How many of us would have cheered if Derek had been sent packing with a bloody nose/a part of his anatomy missing? 

This storyline is yet another example of the way women are treated in fiction. They are either cunning whores who marry men for their money, or hapless victims of depraved crimes.

I know that women are raped and it’s a sickening crime, which should carry the death penalty in my opinion or lead to castration, but there are just as many women who fight off their would be attackers. I know this because I’ve done it myself and a straw poll of friends showed we have all had experiences of fending off unwanted advances – usually with a boot in the balls. 

I’m delighted that my first novel, which will be published this year by Pulp Press, will feature a thoroughly modern woman who is flesh and blood and more in keeping with today’s women – one who doesn’t take any nonsense from anyone.

Hopeless Hewlett Packard

I bought an laptop from the UK Hewlett Packard online shop on Boxing Day.  Received the laptop very quickly and was happy with it.  Then I tried to register the warranty.  I got the statutory one year and they gave me two years free. 

A week later after countless communications with HP my warranty is still not registered.  According to the notebook there is only seven months on the warranty when its brand new and it should be one year as standard.

Tried to register a different way only to be told my 'care pack' (their bum fluff name for warranty - more like no care pack) was registered to someone called Graham.  No idea who that is.  But hey, according to them he purchased the laptop.  Bit worrying.  Do I have a stalker?

If you're reading this Graham, I would be worried that Hewlett Packard are giving out your email address to a stranger.  You could be a girl and I could be sending you pictures of my knob. 

Tried to use their site to register, but would ya know the registration part for warranty is down.  Of course the one to get you to part with cash is still functioning.  Funny that. 

What is it with companies who take your money and then give you two fingers when you try to get the service you paid for? 

Don't worry HP, I won't abandon you.  I'll keep at you until you give me what I paid for.