Cakes you jump out of (yes, really)

Hopefully the person jumping out of your cake won't look as bored as these two!

For a major scene in my book, How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks, I wanted my main character Kirsty to try and get close enough to someone who would immediately have her killed if he saw her.

I racked my brains about how to do this without her being found out and when it emerged he was having a birthday party, I thought it would be awesome if she could hide in a cake.

I don’t know about you, but I have never seen anyone jump out of a cake before, so I didn’t know where to start.  That’s when the good old Internet came to the rescue.   

Here are some fun facts I discovered -

It's actually quite straightforward to hire a pop out cake, as cakes designed for jumping out of are called.

Pop out cake are usually three tier cakes that resemble wedding cakes, you can even make your own. They can also be square.

Note, I said make and not bake your own because the only similarity between these cakes and real ones is the edible frosting they may have on the outside.

Quite often, a table cloth is placed over the bottom the cake to hide the fact there is no bottom and that’s how the person inside gets inside. Other cakes sit on a platter or stand and have wheels so that the cake can be wheeled in with the person inside. 

A section of the cake can open like a door to allow the person to get inside with ease.

The top comes off and that’s how the person inside jumps out.

A pop out cake even featured in Xena Warrior Princess. 

To hire a cake, it’s best to approach a prop hire company like this one. 

Book description

A tale of skullduggery that plays out on the mean streets of Glasgow… 

One-legged barmaid Kirsty is in a shit-load of trouble after she kills one of gangster Jimmy McPhee’s enforcers with a stiletto heel to the head after he gets a bit too handsie. 

Now she’s on the run from the gang boss who loves to torture his victims before he kills them, with a safe-load of cash she stole from him and a hot gun. And she has company—a choirboy barman Jamie who just happens to be the only witness. 

She needs to survive long enough to spend the cash. 

~~~

Out now in paperback and Kindle at all good book stores and on Amazon 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Kirsty-Gets-Her-Kicks/dp/1643960059

https://www.amazon.com/How-Kirsty-Gets-Her-Kicks/dp/1643960059

https://www.amazon.ca/How-Kirsty-Gets-Her-Kicks/dp/1643960059

Note - This post was first published in 2011 which shows what a long road publishing can be. I'm reposting it to celebrate How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks being published 8 years after it was first due to be published by Pulp Press. 
Thanks go to Shotgun Honey for publishing it. 

How Kirsty gets her Kicks will be published in June 2019

There's nothing more exciting for an author to see the cover for their new book for the first time.

It's like waiting for your baby to be born and hoping he doesn't have your sticky out ears.

I'm delighted to introduce the cover from the awesome Shotgun Honey for How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks.

See how she runs...

You can meet Kirsty, the one-legged barmaid on the run from a gangster with a safe load of cash and a hot gun on June 2019.

The wacky world of the pop out cake

Hopefully, the person jumping out of your cake
 won't look as bored as these two!

For a major scene in my book, How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks, I wanted my main character Kirsty to try and get close enough to someone who would immediately have her killed if he saw her.

I racked my brains about how to do this without her being found out and when it emerged he was having a birthday party, I thought it would be awesome if she could hide in a cake.

I don’t know about you, but I have never seen anyone jump out of a cake before, so I didn’t know where to start.  That’s when the good old Internet came to the rescue.   

Here are some fun facts I discovered -

It's actually quite straightforward to hire a pop out cake, as cakes designed for jumping out of are called.

Pop out cake are usually three tier cakes that resemble wedding cakes, you can even make your own. They can also be square.

Note, I said make and not bake your own because the only similarity between these cakes and real ones is the edible frosting they may have on the outside.

Quite often, a table cloth is placed over the bottom the cake to hide the fact there is no bottom and that’s how the person inside gets inside. Other cakes sit on a kind of platter like this one - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-xtjrR5Dc8  and have wheels so that the cake can be wheeled in with the person inside. A section of the cake can be like a door to allow the person to get inside with ease.

The top comes off and that’s how the person inside jumps out.

A pop out cake even featured in Xena Warrior Princess. 

To hire a cake, it’s best to approach a prop hire company who hire them out for parties and other events. 

Footnote - 

I'm delighted to announce that How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks about a one-legged Glasgow barmaid who goes on the run from with a gangster's cash and gun, will be published in June 2019 by Shotgun Honey. Exact date tbd.

Stay tuned for details. Here's  the cover reveal, as you finally get to find out why Kirsty jumps out of a cake and how she gets on:)

Never give up - The one mantra every writer should have

 

Tenancious wee guy - "Nobody is stopping me from getting that cheese."

Of all the mantras that writers have, that's probably the most important because most of the time your work won't get picked up right away. That was the case with How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks.

The road to publication has been a long and winding road for the short novel I wrote 3 years ago.

Back in March 2010, I saw a snippet of news in Writer's News magazine about a publisher looking for women to write "violent revenge fiction." I cut it out and filed it away for later. Up until that point, barring a few published short stories I'd stuck to fiction.

A few months later, this image came into my mind of a one-legged woman (I didn't give her a prosthetic leg deliberately to make her different; she came to me that way) standing over a man who had a stiletto heel embedded into his skull and Kirsty was born. I started writing, asking myself the  question's

"How did she come to be in this position?"

"Who was Kirsty?"

The answers came quickly - she was a Glasgow barmaid and she'd just killed one of Jimmy McPhee's goons after he'd got a bit too handsie. Now I had my story. Kirsty had to go on the run because McPhee would come after her and to protect herself she'd steal the gun he had in his safe and his cash.

Within a few months, I'd written the book and sent it off to the publisher. A few weeks later, I had a publishing contract. Cue happy dance and the best Christmas present ever.

Hey, that sounds easy. But then as the publication date loomed, I'd heard nothing. Received no edits, so I got in touch and was told publication had been delayed and it wouldn't be out until later. A few months later and it was the same story.

Almost a year later, came the bombshell. The person who commissioned the book got in touch. They were leaving the publisher and taking the imprint with them and they hoped to set up on their own. The little hope I had was crushed when I never heard from them again.

The book never came out and after some toing and froing, I realised it never would. The two years on my contract expired and my hopes and dreams came to an end.

In the meantime, I wrote a self help title, my zombie novel Dead Bastards and Hell To Pay, the first in a series of books I'd called Die Hard for Girls. I also finished the second novella in the Die Hard for Girls series.

I never gave up on Kirsty though. I wanted people to read her story. She was a real person to me. One day, I even thought I saw her.

I had strong interest from one publisher who later decided the book was too short. Another wanted me to add to the text and they'd look at it again. Another said it wasn't the kind of book they published, but their "friend" would format it as an eBook if I gave them 500 pounds. Obviously, I declined.

A month ago, it was turned down by one of Stephen King's publishers. I'd sent it off in the early hours of the morning to avoid the "I'm not worthy" pull that'd prevent me from pressing the dreaded SEND button.

The comments about why it wasn't right for them - that it was gonzo and over the top, Tarantino like - sounded more like endorsements to me than admonishments.

check out their website

Snubnose Press must have thought so, because they offered me a contract which I duly accepted, delighted to be onboard with such a classy outfit that are kicking down crime fiction doors.

Kirsty's damn pleased too. She's gonna get her kicks and boy, is she gonna have a ball. Hey, she's even gonna jump out of a cake. You'll need to read the book to find out why.



You'll need to wait to read why Kirsty jumps out of a cake:)

Footnote - another mantra writers should have is not to get ripped off. A publisher proclaiming "not to be a vanity publisher" wanted 500 smackers to publish Kirsty. Well, I guess you can Tell what Kirsty said to that. Hell, I've got no control over that gal.

6 Things every writer should know

I was first published when I was 15 and wrote a piece on superstitions for Jackie magazine. Over the years, though my writing, this is what I’ve learned -

 

1. Write as much as you can in as many different genres as you can. That way when opportunities present themselves you'll be ready. I know this from experience. In March 2011, I signed a contract to have my first work of fiction published, my novella How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks. For various reason it didn't happen. I also started a follow up book I called Die Hard for Girls. When I saw on Twitter that Sassy Books were looking for submissions, I tweeted the editor. Would she be interested in Die Hard for Girls that I'd since renamed Hell to Pay. She said yes and I submitted it and was offered a good royalty contract just days later.

2. That brings me to my second point - make sure you're on social networking sites so you'll see these opportunities. Without Twitter I'd have two books sitting in my unpublished file. Join great forums like Writer's News Talkback. Network with other writers. See an opportunity for another writer, let them know. They'll alert you to an opportunity you might have missed.

3. That brings me nicely to my third point - help other writers. Don't see them as competitors; see them as comrades in the trenches of writing. Help one another. Commiserate when things go wrong; celebrate their successes. Unless you do it can get lonely.

4.Learn to promote your books. You can't expect your publisher to place ads in the big newspapers. They only do that for the big names. As for you, a listing in their online catalogue is the best you can hope for. The plus side is that because you know your book so well you're the best person to promote it. I have Twitter, Facebook pages and dedicated blogs for Dead Bastards and Living Cruelty Free. The only cost to me was my time. I know doing this has sold books.

5.Don't ever tell yourself "I can't write in that." If a story comes alive in your head, go with it. I never thought I'd write a horror novel. Then this image came into my head of a man turning up at his friend's door looking like he'd been mugged. Only when he comes inside it becomes clear that his guts are spilling out and this is no ordinary mugging. When he dies and then comes back and tries to eat them, they realize that the zombies are here.

I just couldn't get this image out of my head of this guy's guts spilling out onto the floor and this Glasgow couple trying to scoop them up and shove them back in again, so I started scribbling away. And so, Dead Bastards was born.

6.Just because a publisher says no the first time doesn't mean you should give up. TWB Press who published my Glasgow zombie novel originally turned it down when I submitted it as a serial. I really admired the ethos of the company (no non-sense entertainment), so I worked on it some more and what was intended to be a 30k novella ended up a 70k novel (although over 10, 000 words were cut). The publisher Terry Wright liked it and wanted to publish it.

 

Enemies of the writer

There are so many things that can stand in the way of your writing time. Know what they are and beat 'em.

The Internet

Do you really need to find a present for Aunt Betty online, right this moment? Do you even have an Aunt Betty? If you really, really need to do research online, write a list of the things you need to know and tick them off as you answer them. Then turn the Internet OFF. Unless you do the Internet will eat away at your writing time.

Housework

Why is it always a case that when you actually have to sit down and write you suddenly decide to clean out the refrigerator/do the vacuuming/take a duster to the cobwebs that have been at that corner of the ceiling for years?

Perhaps if you’re avoiding writing so often, you should ask yourself if you should be writing at all. A writer is someone who has a compulsion to write.

Reading other writers who make you feel like you don't deserve to kiss their pen.

Hence the reason I'm not reading Stephen King's latest novel. He tells a great story and writes it well. I try to. I try to.

Games computer games, Internet games, card games, games you play in your head.

Do you want to waste time that you could be writing finding hidden objects or getting solitaire out? Yet, we've all been there. Just don't get sucked in. If you must play games do it to give yourself a break after some kick ass writing.

Social networking

Are you genuinely making friends and sharing your writing woes or just killing time? Set yourself a decent amount of time to tweet, Facebook, Google or whatever. DO NOT EXCEED THAT TIME.

Laziness

Is it really too difficult to get notepads, pens and station them around the house? Too much good writing and too many ideas are lost because you never wrote them down. If you're outside the home make sure you have something to capture your ideas. Many mobile phones have note functions and voice recorders. Use them.

Being a perfectionist

Stop expecting every word you write to be perfect - I have a habit of doing this. Get it down then edit/perfect it later. You can’t expect to get your writing to flow if you keep on stopping every sentence to rewrite and rewrite.

Publishers

I recently discovered (by accident) that the publisher of two of my self-help books, were giving them away free as ebooks without my knowledge. Whilst I was okay with them giving away e copies with the paperback version, I thought giving them away for heehaw was a step too far. I'm now taking legal advice.

Finding out about my hard work being exploited like that cost me a day's work and a week's worry. Then I realised that I was allowing this publisher to steal my writing time and I put a stop to it by sending off the corresepondance I needed and forgetting about it.

Note – Always make copies of every contract or commission form your received and keep them in a safe place. Also scan copies into your computer. It can be so easy to lose contracts when you move home.

Why you need to care about your characters

I currently know there's…

A naked man tied to a bed with a ball in his mouth as a femme fatale with murder in her heart struts up and down the room deciding what to do to him.

A detective who thinks he's going nuts because his pal, who's been in a catatonic state since he was stabbed multiple times by a broken bottle, has begun talking to him something which only happens when no one is around.

A woman and her boyfriend who has just got into a car with Britain's first white suicide bomber who's chosen the wrong day: the zombies have arrived.

No, there's no need to call the authorities. These people aren't real; they are characters in novels I'm writing.

Characters they may be but they have become real to me. I care about them. I care what happens to them, which means when I leave them in a precarious situation I want to see what happens to them. I want to see how they get out of the mess I put them in.

If you're starting to think your characters aren't good enough, ask yourself: do I care about them? If the answer is no then maybe it's time to rip them up and start again because if you don't care about your characters why would anyone else?

Kick-starting Your Writing

Call it writer's block, call it hitting a brick wall. Whatever you call it, it's every writer's nightmare when the words won't come and writing anything is an effort.

We've all been there, but how do you dig yourself out of the hole you're in?

 

Here are some things I do you might find useful:

1. Stop at a question - is your character pregnant/dead/the killer/in a building that's about to collapse - leave your character on a cliff-hanger and you will want to know how that question is answered.

2. Leave your character in peril. They could be facing a gunman, about to fall down a cliff, be in a stolen car escaping from the cops.

3. Suggest characters are not who or what they seem to be. For example, the police come to protect your family in peril, but it becomes clear they are not the police.  This is a good plot move as it leaves a question - if they're not the police who are they and what's their motive.

4. Follow Stephen King's advice. Think about what should logically happen next. For instance, I have a character who's been manhandled into a van by 2 thugs and taken to a deserted location. She's saved when one of them turns out to be an undercover cop. My character didn't see it coming and to be honest, neither did I.

5. Write something ese. It doesn't matter what it is. This can get you writing again.

6. Watch something funny. You might find laughing inspires you.

7. Do some unusual research. I knew that I wanted my Kirsty character to jump out of a cake but when I tried to write it, it was dreadful. I did the research and it really helped me with the writing.

8. Ban yourself from writing anything at all for one day. There is nothing more guaranteed to make you want to do than telling yourself you can't.

Increasing the word count of your novel

I’m currently scribbling away trying to bring the word count of my novella How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks up by about 17,000 words. At first it seemed like an arduous task.

How do you expand on a high octane thriller, without dragging the pace down to snail level? 

Then I had a few Eureka moments. Hopefully they may be of some help to you if you find your word count is too short -

1-Think what could I have done differently in that scene to add an extra twist?  For instance, what if instead of escaping she’d fallen at the last moment? What if she saw someone or something she shouldn’t have?  Trip your character up and let them find a way out. 

2-Use Stephen King’s advice and think ‘what should happen next’ and do the opposite of what you’ve done. This may take you down a whole new story arc. 

3-Could you introduce a new character? Someone who could shake things up a bit? I did just that and it took my book down a different road.

4-Have a blast from the past. Does someone, or something come back to haunt your character? A previous crime or misdeed, an abusive parent or partner, someone who should be dead (possibly because your character killed them)? Be as creative as possible without making completely unrealistic.

5- Expand on a subplot. Have you really gone as far as you could with that plot, or did you abandon it too soon in favour of your main one? 

Things not to do –

1-Change abbreviations like he’s and she’d to he is and she had. This sounds clumsy, not to mention too wordy. 

2-Pad out with tonnes of description. There’s nothing more liable to put readers off than two pages describing one tree. What makes you skip a page will make you reader skip too. Every word needs to earn its place. 

3-Come up with something that simply doesn’t fit just for the sake of it. This could be a character who died coming back to life or acting completely out of character. Anything you write has to be realistic and not pie in the sky or too contrived.

Who inspires your characters?

When I was writing How Kirsty Got Her Kicks, I wanted my main character to be gutsy; the kind of woman every women wants to be - who doesn't take any nonsense from anyone.

There are women on TV who I looked to for inspiration. Women like Nikita from La Femme Nikita and Sydney Bristow from Alias, and believe it or not, Janice Soprano. Yes right. Who can possibly resist someone whose response from her brutal boyfriend who says 'what ya gonna do now, cry,' is to reach for her gun?

Relive her proudest moment on YouTube

In celebration of this I wrote an piece for Shadowlocked.com on Kick Ass Angels. Who have I missed?

Write a winning title

Stressing over what to call that novel?  Worried that your title lacks the oomph needed to make it stand out?

Using the Lulu Titlescorer may not be the answer. 

My titles – Vile City (my work in progress) and How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks (scheduled for publication by Pulp Press in March 2012) were disappointingly low.  So, I tried some of the bestselling books of all time and they didn’t fair much better.

But, hey it’s a bit of fun.  Check it out here -

http://www.lulu.com/titlescorer/index.php

Success at last!

Just got an email saying that Pulp Press want to publish my first novel, a pulp fiction revenge book provisionally called How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks. I'm over the moon. It will be published in August 2011.

It's about a one legged barmaid who ends up killing a lech in the seedy bar where she works and has to go on the run with a sack of gangster's cash and a hot gun. 


What really makes me happy about this is I absolutely loved writing this book.  I had so much fun. Maybe because I thought it's about time that there were books where women wern't just window dressing or victims or the detective solving a crime who's weighed down by childcare arrangements

I know there's a long road ahead with editing and what not, but I'm so excited.