Free Zombie story - Pick Your Brain

What would happen once the zombie apocalypse was over and people (and zombies) were forced to justify their actions?

That's the scenario I took and then ran with it for my short story Pick Your Brain. I'd describe it as horror with a dash of crime.

Pick Your Brain

by

Jenny Thomson

“Miss McBride, in all my years of representing clients whom other less well attuned legal brains would turn down as unwinnable, I have never come across one single case I could not win.” He pursed his lips. “Until now that is. Do you honestly think citing a…”

He cleared his throat.

“And, I’m quoting your expert witness Professor Romero here. "A virus that renders people incapable of rational thought and gives them an uncontrollable compulsion to consume human flesh, especially human brains," is going to assist your boyfriend in his defence after he was caught by two police officers, standing over the lifeless body of his friend, clutching a baseball bat soaked in the blood and chunks of brain matter from the deceased who was later found to have died from multiple brain injuries consistent with several blows to the head from a baseball bat?”

“Yes,” I said. “It’s the truth.”

Charles Benson, who had so many letters after his name it was like a game of Scrabble, eyed me like I was the last lunatic left in an asylum. “Did one of my learned colleagues put you up to this?” His eyes swept the room. “Are there hidden cameras? Is this some TV prank show?”

His reaction was hardly a new one. I’d encountered similar reactions from other barristers who were convinced I was delusional. “No,” I said, defiant, “this isn’t a prank. This is real.”

He raised his chin. The gesture reminded me of a haughty child.

“Well, in that case Miss McBride, I can’t help you. It’s a psychiatrist you need, not a man of law.”

Condescension seeped from his every word.

It was hard to hide my disappointment. I’d been sure he was the one man who could help us and argue that Scott had acted in self-defence. His friend, Archie was trying to eat him.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Mr Benson.” And I was genuinely sorry. If he couldn’t help Scott in this way he’d have to help him in another.

“I honestly thought someone of your calibre who’d successfully argued that a man wasn’t guilty of murdering his wife because he mistook her for a lion, would have a more open mind.” I paused to eye him with disdain. “Perhaps you could speak to Scott and explain why you won’t help him. He’s a teacher and a well-respected pillar of this community just like you. It’ll only take a minute. He’s outside.”

Charles Benson’s face went pumice grey. “No, I’m sorry, I don’t have the time. My next client will be here.”

I stood up and walked over to the door. “Well, in that case our business is over, Mr Benson. But there’s one last thing you can help me with.”

With a nod of the head, I opened the door. “I think you should meet Scott anyway, so you’ll understand. You see, in the attack he was bitten. More like a scrape caused by teeth sliding against his skin really. He didn’t turn as quickly as they do in the movies or in The Walking Dead.”

I gave a wry smile. “Well, things are seldom as they are in the movies.”

Scott shambled into the room, feral eyes glowing as he saw his prey. His nails were ragged and torn and bloody from eating the two prison guards on the way over and the secretary outside.

Charles Benson’s eyes were wide with terror. “You better leave now, or I’m calling the police.”

His words were strangled.

As Scott pinned him to the desk and sunk decaying teeth into his fat flesh, I couldn’t resist one last parting shot.

“Do you believe me now, Mr Benson?”

He was unable to answer. Scott had ripped out his throat – the blood that spurted out of the arrogant lawyer’s veins reminded me of raspberry sauce on an ice cream cone. Blood is never as red as you think, not when you get used to it.

Scott devoured the lips, then the nose, followed by the brain. The intestines he gorged on like cheesy string. Benson’s fingers he wolfed down like hot dogs.

Once he was done, he licked the blood and flesh from his teeth.

I wagged a finger at him. “Christ, Scott, we’re gonna run out of lawyers soon.”

Scott drooled. “HUNGRY. BRAINS.”

My face softened. “Okay, but we need to tidy up this office and go. We have more legal brains we need to pick.”

The End (or is it the beginning?)

 

Note - This story first appeared in the kick ass Pulp Metal Magazine

Jenny Thomson is the author of Scottish zombie novel DeadBastards that's been described as "a cross between Trainspotting and Shaun of the Dead."

Write your own version of The Walking Dead

Get your teeth into writing a zombie novel

I never expected to be able to write a zombie novel. I thought horror was best left to three of my favourite authors – Shaun Hutson, James Herbert and Graeme Masterton.

Then this image came into my head of a couple lying in bed when there’s a knock at the door. One of them pads down the hall, opens the door and finds his friend Archie standing there. Archie looks like he’s been mugged. Then they notice that his insides are dripping out…

And so Dead Bastards was born. 

Along the way I’ve learnt a few things -

1. Don’t concentrate on too many people’s stories.
This is a big mistake. Too many characters and too many stories distance the reader from the story you are trying to tell. You want to being everybody into the world you've created. 

2. Respect the genre. 
When it’s a genre that people are well acquainted with like zombies, you need to stick to the rules. By all means push the limits. I recently read a book by a well known author who gave one of his zombies the gift of thought. Bad enough, but he also gave them the cloak of invisibility. I threw that book across the room in a hissy fit. 

3. Make your characters distinctive.
People should know who’s speaking even without speech tags. This is tricky to do. 

4. Every step of the way, your characters must have a goal.
Simply surviving isn't enough. Just look at The Walking Dead. They always have a goal, whether it's to get revenge, find the rest of the group or help take Eugene to Washington because he says he has a cure.

For instance, in Dead Bastards they had to go to a shopping mall for supplies. There was no way out of it. Having goals creates conflict and brings your characters to life. Put your characters into a situation and see how they get out of it. 

5. Don’t do what writers of The Walking Dead’s did and get too bogged down with one aspect of your plot.
In the case of the hit show, they focussed too much on the Lori, Shane and Rick love triangle. In the end, I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who got bored with it. If I wanted that kind of storyline, I'd watch a soap opera. 

In a zombie novel, the zombies must be king. 

Now for the zombies

Now yo've got the book sorted, it's time to think about what kind of zombies you'll have? 
Will it be the shufflers or the runners?

Will they be smarter zombies or the standard slow kind? 

Choose wisely, then run (or shuffle) with it.

Remember, it's your story and nobody can tell it like you can:) 

Why not check out my zombie novel? 

Dead Bastards: Zombies hit Glasgow: How will the zombies survive? 

Check out the cover. It's pretty cool and is actually a scene from the book.

Dead Bastards is available in paperback and Kindle (although a book's probably better as a Kindle isn't much use against a zombie - trust me, I've tried). 

I have some great news - I've inked a deal with Caffeine Nights!

In 2011, I entered my Glasgow crime novel, Vile City in a crime writing competition for a first novel. I won and thought now I've got a great chance of finally getting the thriller published. 

I sent it out to agents and publishers, had some great responses but all so close and no cigar. The closest I came was a publisher who wanted to do it as an eBook only. 

Now a publisher I have long since admired, Caffeine Nights, who have one of my all-time favourite authors on  their books, Shaun Hutson, have offered me a publishing deal. They loved the book and the humour. 

The book is the first in the Detective in a Coma series and won't be out until 2017, but I'm so freaking excited. I'm already halfway through writing the follow up, Cannibal City. 

One of the crime scenes from Vile City 

Meet DI Duncan Waddell 

Vile City features DI Duncan Waddell who's starting to hate the city he once loved because of all the horrors he's seen. He's overweight, borderline diabetic, but it's his wit that gets him through the day. 

Vile City also tells the story of Shelley Craig and her battle to escape after she's drugged and kidnapped by a sex gang. Shelley's a modern girl, battling to get home and will do anything to reach her goal. 

One character didn't so much as yell for my attention as grab me by the arm and bark: "GET WRITING."

He was DC Stevie Campbell and since he was attacked by a suspect with a broken bottle, he's been in a coma, but his friend DI Waddell is able to speak to him. 

Is Stevie really in a coma?

Can Waddell really speak to him, or is he losing the plot? 

Or, is Waddell the one in the coma? 

At this point, I don't even know myself, but I hope this Life on Mars type twist will intrigue people.

Feature Friday - the Crime Files

The Crime Files

By Jenny Thomson

The CRIME FILES SERIES by Jenny Thomson is AVAILABLE NOW! These books are a MUST if you're a fan of the thriller, mystery, and suspense genres!

HELL TO PAY - Book #1

- SYNOPSIS -
Nancy Kerr refuses to be a victim—even when she walks in on her parents’ killers and is raped and left for dead…

Fourteen months later, Nancy wakes up in a psychiatric hospital with no knowledge of how she got there.

Slowly, her memory starts to return.

Released from the institution, she has just one thing on her mind—two men brought hell to her family home.

Now they’re in for some hell of their own…



- PURCHASE -
AMAZON US ➜ http://amzn.to/1MABiQL
AMAZON UK ➜ http://amzn.to/1ExdHvz

THROWAWAYS - Book #2

- SYNOPSIS -
Huddled in a doorway, in a blonde wig, and my best Pretty Woman outfit, I'm already soaked to the skin. As downward spirals go, this was bad.

But I wasn’t here because I was reduced to turning tricks for a living. I was here to catch a killer…

Throwaways.

That's the word they're using for the four Glasgow sex workers who've gone missing. But two people do care.

When Suzy Henderson was found dead in a landfill site, her eyes pecked out by crows, they found the finger of another missing woman wedged in her throat.

Nancy Kerr and Tommy McIntyre are on the case and they won’t stop until they find the missing women.

But, how can they trust anyone when they can’t even trust each other?


- PURCHASE -
AMAZON US ➜ http://amzn.to/1UaRNUR
AMAZON UK ➜ http://amzn.to/1MABBee

DON'T COME FOR ME Book #3

- SYNOPSIS -
What if you were charged with your boyfriend’s murder, but you knew he wasn’t even dead?

That's the position rape survivor Nancy Kerr finds herself in. Now, she faces a race against time to find Tommy before she’s convicted of his murder.

But, someone doesn’t want her or Tommy’s Special Forces buddy, Eric from finding out the truth.

And getting too close could get them killed.

- PURCHASE -
AMAZON US ➜ http://amzn.to/1MABO14
AMAZON UK ➜ http://amzn.to/1M0Ddhj



- JENNY THOMSON -
Jenny Thomson is an award-winning crime writer who has been scribbling away all her life. She also writes as Jennifer Thomson.

Inspired by her love of zombies and The Walking Dead, she wrote Dead Bastards.

She kills people for a living in the Crime File series of books for Limitless Publishing. Book 1, 2 and 3, will be out soon. To find out more details, check out her publisher's site at http://www.limitlesspublishing.net/authors/jenny-thomson/

Her novella, How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks, about a one legged Glasgow barmaid who goes on the run with a gun and a safe load of gangster's cash after killing one of his henchmen, will be out soon.

Vile City (Detective in a Coma Bk 1) will be published by Caffeine Nights in 2017.

She blogs about writing at http://ramblingsofafrustratedcrimewriter.blogspot.com/ and about zombies at http://deidbastards.blogspot.co.uk

TWITTER: https://twitter.com/jenthom72
WEBSITE: http://jennifer-thomson.blogspot.com/
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/HelltoPaybyJennyThomson

Saying goodbye to your book - the zombies are here

meet the zombie snowman

Dead Bastards is now done and dusted and the final galley proofs are now with my wonderful publisher as the zombie novel I never thought I'd ever finish has been published . 

Do I feel like celebrating? No. Instead I feel a sense of loss. Almost like a bereavement, which seems stupid. Right?

I've finished the book and I should be celebrating. Instead, I feel empty inside. 

The characters in my book were only alive because I was writing about them - though on many occasions I felt as though they were talking to me and I was just writing it down.

Talking to other writers, I can see that it's not just me who feels that way and it's easy to understand why. You live with those characters for so long. 

Weeks, months, even years. You give them life and they're no longer characters; they're real people with hopes, dreams and fears like you or I.

Then they're snatched away from you because you've finished the book.

How do you handle that? 

Here are some things that have helped me -

1. Start work on something new. I'd started Throwaways, the second Die Hard for Girls book and the follow up to Hell To Pay (the first Die Hard for Girls and Nancy Kerr and Tommy McIntyre book) before I finished my other books.

2. Update your blog. Share your experiences. It's cathartic.

3. Work on other shorter writing projects. I write reviews for a few sites. 

4. Chill out, catch up on your favourite TV shows, don't work the crazy hours you were before.

Click on the title if you want to know more about Dead Bastards 

Time the Gotham haters buzzed off

The brilliant Robin Lord Taylor

And here he is in The Walking Dead.

The new season of one of my favourite shows, Gotham was starting (isn't Walking Dead star Robin Lord Taylor great as Penguin) and I couldn't remember what happened in the season finale so I decided to look for a recap.

I came across this recap
Titled a recap, it was more like a hatchet job.

Honesty, you'd think the show had slept with the writer's mamma and he had his dad had caught them at it, because they tore into the show in what was meant to be a recap and not a review. 

The main beef seemed to be that it wasn't real to life.

Of course, the writer forgot one key thing - GOTHAM IS FICTION!

It's not a documentary, or a self-help guide: its fiction. It ain't real!

I had a similar experience when Throwaways first came out, when a prison officer reviewed it and complained that my two intrepid detectives would never have been allowed to interview a prison teacher in the prison. Of course I do my research, but I'm writing fiction. 

I'm currently working on Cannibal City where a serial killer is abducting men and eating their livers. Once its published maybe the person who savaged Gotham will read it and realise its not meant to be a manual aimed at cannibals! 

My Nightmare with John Hunt Publishing

You might as well burn your books than be in publisher hell.

I was advised by other writers not to write a blog about my experience with John Hunt Publishing.

"It could ruin your future writing career," a writer friend said.

"It might make you sound like you're a nightmare to deal with," said another. 

Of course I thought about it. These guys know what they're talking about. They were concerned about me. But, in the end I decided that I had to write this blog because other authors deserve to know what they might get into if they sign up with this publisher. And how can they know anything if authors don't share information? 

Besides, I know the points I make are valid. I didn’t just write the books and sit back and expect them to sell. I put my heart and soul into them and worked 100-hour weeks to promote them. I felt let down that I was the only one trying to sell my books. At times, I felt like John Hunt Publishing were sabotaging me.

When John Hunt Publishing offered me a contract, I looked around the web for information and found very little. I wish I'd known then what I know now because my relationship with them was a nightmare. 

It started off well enough. Their readers' reports were extremely positive. Comments like "what's not to love here" and "this could sell in the thousands." And, I had a right to have high hopes. I’m an award-winning writing and have been writing for 20-odd years.

Then the reality started to bite and what I found is the most disappointing experience I’ve ever had in 13 years of getting books published -

JHP make a big thing about their marketing and their author database, both of which sound impressive, but they didn't deliver.
- The database had important details missing like email addresses, phone numbers and contact details.

- You had to pay for any real marketing - You had to pay for any marketing that went beyond sending automated press releases that are cobbled together with the words authors put in their proposals. Yes, in my case and many other authors, the press release was generated word for word by the words I put in the proposal. The way the online system worked, you could see the proposals authors inputted and their press releases. There was no effort on the part of the staff. In my case, a basic spell check wasn't even done. This marketing cost 150 for 6 hours of work, which seemed to involve them doing pretty little.

Valuable marketing and promotional opportunities were wasted
For example, over a number of months I worked towards getting my book Hell To Pay featured in a top newspaper with a 250, 000 readership. 

I knew 2 weeks in advance that my book would be featured and told the marketing department. I stupidly thought because the book was set in Glasgow and the newspaper was based in Glasgow that the publisher would contact the big bookstores in the city, including Waterstone’s and say, "Hey, one of our books will be featured in the country's bestselling newspaper, would you like some on a sale or return basis?"

They did absolutely nothing and wasted the opportunity. Yes, free publicity that money can't buy, that they were notified about two weeks in advance and they did nothing. 

I felt demoralised. That my time had been completely wasted. That my publisher they didn't care about whether my book sold or not. 

I was contacted by several people who saw my book and told me they tried to buy my book in a store and it wasn't for sale.

John Hunt Publishing missed a golden opportunity to sell more books.

Note - I could have contacted bookshops myself, but my royalty on paperbacks was 10 percent and the publisher's was 90 percent. 

There was a catalogue of errors in the book listing.
They wrongly spelt my surname on all the book sites and I had to get it changed myself. That was made more difficult because it was the publisher who were meant to make changes, not the author.

They didn't even check sites had my books and others correctly categorised.
For instance, Throwaways, my novella about murdered Glasgow sex workers was listed as erotic fiction and also as true life, which was news to my family.

There was a pattern of disrespect, pithy and aggressive behaviour from staff.
They have a closed online forum for authors and after repeatedly being ignored about certain issues, I started to post on the Facebook page - a few posts, written in a friendly way - that's when without a word I was kicked off FB and the JHP forum with no explanation after one of the head honchos at the publisher accused me of "aggressive and bullying behaviour." I asked others on the page if they thought that had been the case and nobody did.

Seven authors sent me a message saying that their experience of JHP had been very poor and they wanted their rights back. Eventually, I was given ALL my rights back, but only because I suspect they wanted rid of me. 

When I politely asked why my books imprint didn't appear on their fiction blog alongside a few others, I was told my imprint was MBS even although over half the books were fiction and my books were CRIME FICTION.

When I asked why certain marketing tasks weren't done, I'd get answers that were more "go away" than "we want to sell books."

Contracts offered were often contributory meaning you were paying to get published. Cue alarm bells.

Before they signed me up, they made it sound like they only asked for contributions when the book in question was niche, but once I was allowed onto the forum I discovered there was a very high amount of authors who'd paid huge sums, despite what the publisher claimed. And those books were far from niche. One was even entered for a fiction award by the publisher. 

Many authors queried their contracts on the online forum and those contracts seemed to average 2-3 thousand pounds. Note - that was just for editing. They also paid for marketing. One author I know spent over £4, 000 in total.
To me, that's a publisher taking advantage of an author's dream at a time when very none of the big publishers accept contributions unless you have an agent.

They charged for your book to be converted into an eBook.
No, I'm not kidding. Both my novellas cost around £60. It was deducted from royalties.
NO LEGITIMATE PUBLISHER SHOULD CHARGE TO CONVERT YOUR BOOK.

Later on, they came up with the bright idea of charging £100 to put your book into print. Yeah, really. After complaints they decided not to go ahead.

In conclusion -
- I believe John Hunt Publishing take advantage of the lines being blurred between vanity presses and self publishing. They charge for many authors’ services like editing and marketing.

- They should tell you BEFORE you submit the initial query that they may charge you for services that every other traditional publisher does gratis. Things like editing, proof reading and marketing that goes beyond sending automated press releases that are cobbled together with the words authors put in their proposals. Yes, in my case and many other authors, the press release was generated word for word by the words I put in the proposal. 

The way the online system worked, you could see the proposals authors inputted and their press releases. There was no effort on the part of the staff. In my case, a basic spell check wasn't even done.

- Many awards are not open to people who paid towards the cost of being published, which many authors did. Because the lines between self-publishing and vanity publishing are so blurred, authors who paid towards the cost of their books being published often thought that they would still be considered to be traditionally published and could enter these awards. 

Truth was, they were ineligible.

What have I learned?
1. If a publisher has contracts where you contribute financially (on any level) avoid them like the plague. They're a vanity publisher.

2. If a publisher talks about their wonderful marketing, have a look at what they actually do. Do they have a strong social media presence? Do they have a list of blogs who review their books? Do they have readers groups - something JHP promised on their home page, but never produced?

3. If they charge fees for eBook conversion, they're a vanity publisher. 

I was charged for both my books. A genuine publisher shouldn't charge you a penny. A vanity publisher will.

4. If a publisher charges you a penny for marketing/promotion, avoid them - JHP did very basic marketing. So basic in fact, that press releases were simply lifted from authors and in my case, not even given a basic spell check. The very same publicists who did the promo for books wanted £150 each time to do 6 hours of publicity. That included things that most publishers did as a matter of course. A genuine publisher shouldn't charge you a penny. A vanity publisher will. Note - before I signed my contracts I didn't know they charged like this.

In conclusion, I would advise anyone to self-publish rather than sign up with John Hunt Publishing. Before you know it, like many of their authors, you could end up with a huge dent in your bank balance as you pay for editing and marketing and promotion. All things a traditional publisher should be providing for free.

Thankfully, although they published Hell to Pay and Throwaways, I didn't give this bunch a penny and when I self-published the books, I sold 6 times more books than they ever did.

Note - this is my experience with John Hunt Publishing. Other authors may have had a more positive experience.