The dreaded author photograph

The updated version of my bullying book is out and I hate the author picture. I wanted to look authorative, stylish, approachable.

Instead I look like none of those things. My head is so big I look like a Gonk* (a small, furry soft toy).

I read somewhere that readers like authors to look friendly, so you should smile in the picture. I tried that and ended up looking like a grinning buffoon.

I took the smile down a notch and realised I looked like the kind of woman who buried men under her patio. 

Not my author photo

Speaking to other writers I know I’m not alone in dreading that author picture.

The autors who actually seem to like theirs, or, at least feel okay about theirs, have:

1. Gotten their photo done professionally.
2. Or been born looking like a model.

How did my photo turn out? Guess you’ll have to buy the book.

But, I will tell you one thing – the picture was taken on a bad day and from my bad side not my good side. And, oh, since it was taken I have morphed into Jennifer Aniston.

To read more about Gonks, visit the Gonk Appreciation Socity on Facebook.

Anger Management

I realised I had an anger management problem when, during a particularly bad week, I tried to throw the telly out the window (without even opening it first). The reason, I couldn’t get the parental lock off the telly and I needed to do my exercise DVD to get fit and de-stress. 

An extreme reaction? You betcha.

After that I told myself I would never get worked up again.

The next day an email brought me more problems. I tried to reply to it. My phone wouldn’t cooperate, so I threw that across the room. Luckily, it wasn’t broken.

These incidents left me realising that I had let things get on top of me. One of the reasons was I was in a hurry to get things done.

Once, I managed to calm down, I made myself a vow - that I'd never let myself get that worked up again. This meant doing a few things -

1. Not rushing to get things done. The people I was dealing with were taking all the time in the world, so why was I the one doing everything ASAP?
2. Taking time to sit down and watch some old comedy videos/DVDs. Well, they do say laughter is the best medicine. I howled with laughter through The Office up until the first part of the Christmas special that had me thinking 'is this rally comedy?'
3. Actually writing something I wanted to write instead of something I needed to. In my case that's The Waking Dead, my zombie novel set in Glasgow.
4. Chasing my rescue dog Benjy around the room and basically crawling about the floor with him. Ok, I looked stupid when anyone came in, but I had a good time.
5. Taking my Kalms. They have valerian that acts as a mild sedative.

Whatever you do to relax, remember you earnt it and you need it. Don't let it get to the stage where you're ready to throw a telly out a window that's not even opened.

The zombies are here. Here is the proof...

They're in Glasgow now, but they could be heading to you.

This is Generation Z, World War Z.