Writers, what to do if you get a stinker of a review

My filing cabinet for bad reviews.

It happens to every writer eventually. You get a review that has you wanting to scream one minute and curl up in a ball sobbing until the stars fall out of the sky. How do you deal with that?

Here's a few tips.

1. Remember it's only one person's point of view. One person. Not hundreds of people - just one. Does everybody everywhere like the same things? Nope, so you have to accept that there will be people who may not like your book.

2. Print out the review and roll it up into a ball and throw it in the bin, or use it to play a game of ping pong. The review doesn't have much power over you now, eh?

3. Talk to other writers. Ask them about the worst review they've ever had. Moan about it. Laugh about it. Then forget about it.

4. Look at all your good reviews and all the good things that anyone has ever said about your writing. Does one or two bad reviews mean you are suddenly a bad writer? Of course not. Push away all that negativity by submerging yourself in positivity.

5. Tell yourself that at least they bought your book. The money from someone who leaves you a bad review is the same as someone who leaves you a good review.

6. And, if you really get upset by reviews, step away from the computer and STOP reading them. I know it's hard, but a writer needs to keep writing. Any time spent being all maudlin over a review, one person wrote, is eating into your writing time.

Writers, it's time to get out of Twitter jail

I realised I was getting too caught up in tweeting, Facebooking, blogging, messageboards, google plus...and the list goes on and on and on...when I wanted to throw my computer out the window in a fit of all consuming incredible Hulk rage.

Well, I couldn’t get the book trailer for Dead Bastards on Kindleboards.

With a second book in what I hope will be a popular Die Hard for girls series to write, my blood pressure bubbling and the lack of sleep, I decided enough was enough.

Here are the commandments I will now live by -

1. No social networking through dinner. No tweeting, Facebooking or writing a blog post.

2. Have one day a week when I don't use social networking at all.

3. When I'm watching a film or a TV show, I also have to go cold turkey.

4. Enjoy the social networking experience. Have fun with people. Stop saying "Please, pretty please buy my book/s" all the bloody time. Folk are sick of hearing it. You're sick of hearing it.

5. Write more without a computer because unless you do you’ll be dragged back to Twitter. Write in long hand. Scribble. By all means take a break, go on Twitter, but only for twenty minutes at the most. Then go back to writing. I'll set an alarm if I need to.

And those are the rules I hope to live by. Well, once I've posted, tweet, FB, Google + this blog post.

Getting Published: The Hard Truth

At times when you're trying to get published it can feel like you're standing outside a shop where the closed sign has gone up and then they pull down the shutters when they see you coming.

It's tough going but there are some things you can do to give yourself a fighting chance -

Read as much as you can and in as many genres as you can. Whenever I'm stuck with a bit in my novel, reading inspires me.

Write as much as you can and accept that you may have to write a lot of novels or non-fiction books before you get published. This may be because your first work is rubbish/not what they're publishing right now/needed more work that you realised. I wrote 4 full sized novels before I had my novella accepted by Pulp Press. I also started many more.

Accept you will have some near misses. The man who discovered JK Rowling was interested in my non-fiction book but it came to nothing. The publisher of my first ever published book, a humour title wanted my next two books, but then they decided to cut back on their publishing schedule and they couldn't do the 2 books.

Don't be snooty about any other genre. This is important because you might be missing out on the genre your writing might be most suited for.

Get to know other writers so you can share your tales of woe and success. Yes, I did say success. My favourite writers' forum is Talkback. Great people who are so supportive and know what it's like to be a writer.

Keep on submitting to publishers and agents and ALWAYS follow their guidelines. If you don't you might as well throw your submission in the bin. For instance, most agents & publishers don't want to see your full manuscript they may want to see 10,000 words or their first 3 chapters and a synopsis.

Get feedback on your work wherever you can. It's so difficult to see your work as others see it. If you can't get feedback edit your work by printing it out or viewing it on an ebook reader. It helps you to get your editor's hat on.

P.S. After writing this, I got the first rejection for my zombie book. Off to cry into a bucket then I’ll give myself a kick up the backside and get on with it. Writers who get published get published because they NEVER give up.

The dreaded author photograph

The updated version of my bullying book is out and I hate the author picture. I wanted to look authorative, stylish, approachable.

Instead I look like none of those things. My head is so big I look like a Gonk* (a small, furry soft toy).

I read somewhere that readers like authors to look friendly, so you should smile in the picture. I tried that and ended up looking like a grinning buffoon.

I took the smile down a notch and realised I looked like the kind of woman who buried men under her patio. 

Not my author photo

Speaking to other writers I know I’m not alone in dreading that author picture.

The autors who actually seem to like theirs, or, at least feel okay about theirs, have:

1. Gotten their photo done professionally.
2. Or been born looking like a model.

How did my photo turn out? Guess you’ll have to buy the book.

But, I will tell you one thing – the picture was taken on a bad day and from my bad side not my good side. And, oh, since it was taken I have morphed into Jennifer Aniston.

To read more about Gonks, visit the Gonk Appreciation Socity on Facebook.